A Monthly rundown

Romans 5
Peace and Joy
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

January
In January we broadened our vision of accepting only adoptable babies and welcomed in a terminally ill baby. I got the call about her and said that we would take her before we were told how sick she was. When the rest of the leadership team heard about her they didn’t think it was a good idea to take her in since we didn’t really know how to properly care for her. Even my director didn’t think it was a good idea but I knew in my heart that it was something God was calling us to do. I prayed and prayed that God would open the hearts and minds of my colleagues and eventually He did. I gave her the name A**** O******* which means “I look to God” “He is watching over me”. We were told that A**** had a liver disease as well as a chronic lung disease and a heart problem. She is oxygen dependant and came to us on 10 different medications. Despite all her problems I fell in love with this precious little girl and am determined to give her the most normal life possible in the time God gives us.
February
In February we found out that one of our supervisors had been stealing from us and threatening the other staff if they told on her. It was three weeks of interviewing different people and getting their statements and then having a hearing to find out what was true and what wasn’t. In the end the supervisor did admit to stealing some things and before she was fired, she resigned. It was so hard for me to hear this since this lady had been a good friend to me and I have always been really close with her and her family. It is so hard to be let down like that. I think the thing that made it the hardest was that she wasn’t stealing from us but from things that belonged to the babies. These babies already have nothing and she was taking what little they had. I have really been praying that God would use me to minister to her and let her know that what she did was wrong but I do not judge her and God forgives her. It is always hard though to have trust broken like that. I just pray that God is glorified through this situation and that we can all learn and improve from it.
Since she was the supervisor of our Baby House 2, we decided to close the house while we look for a new supervisor and it will also give us time to do renovations and improve the house as well. We will hopefully reopen on the 1st of June

March
In the month of March we had six babies in one day which is a new record for us! Three of them came from a hospital that we have been trying to network with for awhile but they only want to send their kids to Johannesburg Child Welfare. Thankfully we met a very nice social worker who was willing to refer kids to us and we went through and fetched three babies all under six months old. This hospital is known for having too many babies that just sit in hospital and one of the ones that we fetched had been abandoned since birth but was already six months old. We are hoping that as this relationship develops they will start referring kids to us as soon as they are born.
At the end of March we had bronchial pneumonia hit some of our babies and a few ended up in hospital. Unfortunately having this many children means that they all get it and so our babies were sick right into April.

April
The first week of April was a very long one for us as the Bronchial pneumonia swept through our small babies and in total put 6 of them in hospital. Eventually I put all of the babies on antibiotics whether they were sick or not so that we could stop it spreading one baby at a time. Three weekends in a row I was at the hospital admitting babies. One of the little girls I took through got worse after being admitted and eventually had to be ventilated. She was on an Oscillatory ventilator but after two weeks was still not responding and on April 12th our little Ntokozo actually passed away. It was a very hard day for me. I was there with her all weekend. On Saturday night I read her a book called “Just In Case You Ever Wonder” by Max Lucado and it talked all about heaven. On Sunday she got tired of fighting and her heart slowly stopped beating. I was there as they turned off her machines. They unhooked all the tubes and wires. They put a little sweater and hat on her and then wrapped her in a blanket. I then picked up my beautiful girl and held her close for one last time. People often say to me “Why do you want to hold her? It’s just her body, the shell. She is in heaven now” and although I agree, it is still the shell that I held for 4 months. It is the shell that I hugged and kissed and tickled. Her spirit is gone but that little body is still the same body that I loved for four months and that is why I take the time to hold that body again and to say my final goodbyes.
As I sat in the empty room, holding my little girl I wept. I never understand why God gives us these babies and takes them away again. I don’t understand why she had to die such a slow and painful death. I don’t know why God let this happen but I do know that His plan is perfect and so I trust in it. Even sitting there holding Ntokozo I knew that although she was gone and my heart was so sore, I had 39 other babies waiting for me and needing me back at the house. Life at Door of Hope is emotionally draining and sometimes things don’t always turn out the way that I think they should but God is at work. I see it every day in the faces of my babies. Despite all the hard times, there is nothing I love more than moments like when I get to name a little boy who is only hours old and be able to love him for as long as God allows. It makes everything worth it.



Job 1
Prologue
20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. [c] The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."
22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.