Today was the day!

For almost a month now, I have been trying desperately to collect the remains of the little girl who was front page news at the end of July. Every time I thought we had reached the end, something else would happen that would delay us but today was the day! After 4 weeks of going back and forth from one police station to another, to the mortuary, to the court, to the SAPS legal office, back to the police station, and then again to the mortuary I finally received everything that I needed to make this little girl my own. After handing over all the paper work, they pulled out their book of deceased bodies. She was known simply as "unknown baby number 858". I learnt that she was a stillborn due to abortion. They took my finger prints and has me sign the papers. Then I sat and waited for them to fetch her. Even though I have never seen her before I still have to "identify" that they are giving me the right baby.

Lindy (our social worker who has been gracious enough to support me on this escapade) and I sat in the waiting room for half an hour. Finally the doctor appeared and said that it was taking time because she had been there so long and was "in the back somewhere". My heart ached. For 4 weeks I had wanted to see and hold my baby. For 4 weeks I have been trying desperately to gain approval to collect her. For 4 weeks I have wanted to give her a name and celebrate her short life. In those 4 weeks she was shoved in a back corner and forgotten about.

Finally they called me through to see the little girl that has been on my heart and mind for 4 weeks.

The room was cold, the walls a hospital green colour with silver doors lining the walls, each containing someones loved one. A man stood in the middle of the room. As I entered, the smell of death overwhelmed me. I wanted to turn around, to pretend I had never come. I didn't know if I could handle seeing this baby now 4 weeks after she had passed away. The man in the middle of the room held a white linen cloth in his hands and as I got closer I saw the tiniest feet i have ever seen sticking out the bottom. They were the same size as the tip of my ring finger. As he started to unwrap my baby the smell was overwhelming. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to run from the room screaming. I didn't want to see or know anything. I wished I could live in a bubble that didn't know of the existence of sin or evil or pain.

Instead I stood there as I finally saw what used to be the beautiful face of my little girl. Arms skinnier than my pinkie finger, she was no more than 600 grams at birth. As I fell in love with this little life that once was I did what every mother does with her newborn baby, I counted 10 tiny fingers and 10 sweet little toes. I saw her rosebud little lips and a precious button nose. She was perfect. Formed completely. My sweet baby.

They showed me her tag "unknown baby number 858" so that I knew it was my baby. I nodded my head yes as I tried to form a smile before turning and heading back to the waiting room. As I left the mortuary and even now, I am more overwhelmed than I have ever been.

Being here 7 years, I have seen babies pass away, I have even lost some in my arms but nothing prepared me for what I saw today. So tiny, so perfect, so innocent. Aborted, burned, abandoned.

My heart is crying, and I ache from a place so deep within me that the pain covers my whole body.

Her name is Aimee Malaika. Aimee means "deeply loved" and Malaika means "little angel". She is finally mine! 4 weeks of fighting and I finally have her.

What amazes me most though, is what God has used her to accomplish in her almost non-existent life. She has opened our eyes to a need that until now has been completely unknown. We are now aware of all the others like her who are never given a fighting chance, who need us to take action. It is because of Aimee Malaika that we have an appointment set up with a pastor in Soweto to find out how we can work together, install more baby bins, and educate these mother so that we can stop innocent lives from being thrown away and forgotten.

It has been a long, hard, and emotionally draining road but I am so thankful to God for the blessing of Aimee Malaika and what He has used her to accomplish. Thank you for praying, supporting, and encouraging! May we never forget her little life and continue to fight for the many more to come.

This song by Sarah Groves describes perfectly the affect of Aimee Malaika in my life

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
And what I know of love

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road,
cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Ooohhh...
Your dreams inspire
Ooohhh...
Your face a memory
Ooohhh...
Your hope a fire
Ooohhh...
Your pain has changed me

Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
Your courage asks me what I am made of
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
And what I know of God,
And what I know of God.