It still hurts

Today I found out that the Door of Hope lost one of their precious babies.

Joshua was born on February 9th and placed in the baby bin the same day. He was born with clubbed feet however the good news was his Elisa was negative (meaning that both him and his mother were HIV negative). Auntie Rosette was the one to give him the name Joshua. It is a favourite of my and one I have actually used twice! The name means "the Lord saves". Joshua had been in hospital for pretty much the whole month of March with different things from pneumonia to gastro to sepsis but since coming back to the baby house he had been doing much better. Last week his testicle was a bit swollen and so he was referred to the hospital where they said it was not critical and they would treat him as an out patient in two weeks time (this was on Friday).

This morning as the night shift was finishing, she went into the baby room to check all the babies and that is when she found Joshua had passed away. No one knows the exact cause. I think the saddest part though was that before Joshua got sick, he had been matched with a beautiful family who was willing to take on a child with clubbed feet (they are so fixable!!!). Although this family had not been told about Joshua specifically we knew that once he was healthy, he would be going.

As I sit here typing, it sounds as if I knew Joshua and had loved him and was there with him. The truth is I never met him. Yes, I heard about him when he first came in. They called me to ask questions about what they needed to do for him but I had never laid eyes on him or held him. So then why is it , when I hear today that he has passed away, I mourn his death? why do I sit here in Canada wondering if there was anything else I could've or should have done? It is the heart God has given me. I look at each child through the eyes of Jesus and I love each one with the love of Christ and therefor I mourn each one the same way. I guess a part of me feels guilty for not being there, for leaving it up to everyone else to deal with. I ache for the family that should have been and yet they will never even know about the handsome son they were going to have. Days like to remind me just how badly I need to be in South Africa. There are so many things that I know God wants me to do and today I ache for South Africa. I long to be there with my family. The time can't come soon enough!

Please be in prayer for the staff but especially the international volunteers as none of them have been through a death before. God is in control and although we do not know what the Lord was saving him from, we know THE LORD SAVES!