When I first met you and got to know you I was only 19. It was my first trip to South Africa in January 2003 and I will admit that before I arrived, I didn’t know much about you although I had heard plenty of rumors. Just like the rumors of Johannesburg, I was scared to death to come and face you every day. I wore gloves when changing nappies; I was careful which babies I would kiss if I did not know their status. I also saw first hand just how badly you ruin lives when a birth mother brought her 1 month old baby to us. She told us that she could not take care of him because you were fighting for control over her body and her life and that very soon you were going to win. When I held that baby in my arms, I knew straight away that this precious boy was at war with you too. I watched as others at Door of Hope surrendered to you, telling me “to guard my heart” and to “not get attached”, assuming that you would win or maybe knowing that you always did; I’m not really sure. I tried my best to fight for that boy, to love him through the battle with you but being so uneducated, so unprepared for battle, he (and I) were defeated in just six weeks. As I stood next to his tiny little coffin, I developed such a strong hatred for you that it left a sour taste in my mouth and a bitter feeling in my heart. I knew you would continue to attack; in the least expected places at the least expected times. You would continue to creep up on us, to torture us, and then destroy us by taking another life. I knew that although I was heading back to Canada, I was going to prepare for battle. I was going to learn everything I needed to about you, my opponent; so that I would know the best way to defeat you and to bring you down and crush you. I would use my hatred for you to just make me that much stronger.
Well now it is 2010. Seven years later, and I can say with confidence that we are kicking your butt, we are wearing you down, and that one day very soon we will wipe you out completely! We now have drugs that (given on time) stop you from infecting a new life. We also have drugs, which once started are advanced enough to find you and kill you off, keeping life going for years and years to come. I also know more about you. I know that you start to die as soon as you are exposed to air. I know that I can kiss any baby on the lips and not become infected. You don’t scare me like you used to. The greatest part for me though is that even if you do manage to get through all the drugs or infect a newborn baby, there are now families who are as educated as I am (if not more so) and who are willing to adopted these children. My kids no longer have to be sent to a permanent home, and known forever as orphans because of you. People are catching on, and you can’t ruin nearly as many lives as you used to.
Remember my little Star, the one that back in September was fighting a raging battle against you. The one who couldn’t come off oxygen, whose eyes were crossed from fighting with you so hard? The one that at one point, people had started to pray, asking God to just let you win so that she would not have to suffer? The one that I held close fasted and prayed for daily? Well if you hadn’t noticed already she has been kicking your butt for a long time now. Even when you tried to use TB and gang up against her, she still came back swinging! Do you know what is even greater than how much of a fighter she has been? Is that she is going to a forever family; one that will continue to encourage her to keep fighting you. One who isn’t scared of you or the way you ruin lives. She has a family that loves her and that, HIV, is going to make sure people know the truth about you. They are going to help us put an end to you and your ugliness! Our army is getting bigger daily, and very soon you will be destroyed just as soon as we know you are present! Yes, you may still be taking lives, I know I see it every day but that’s ok; you enjoy it while you can because one day very soon I will not even have to think or worry about you. I’m sorry I have nothing nice to say but at least you know how I really feel. The end is near. Prepare to die.
Before
After
2 comments:
She is looking amazing!
one day stephanie....one day soon!
much love x x
She looks just as amazing as you sound! Go Girls!!
I remember walking onto the ward to pray for her back in Sept as she lay there and struggled to breathe. She has struggled so hard in her first few months of life than I think most of us struggle in our entire lives. As I prayed to God for help and healing for her, I said "God, just like you surrounded Moses with people who would raise his hand FOR him so he could still fight, I pray that you, God, would surround this little one too!" and as I leaned in and whispered over her at the hospital, "Hands up for Jesus..." her tiny little weak arm flicked up straight in the air and stayed there for a split second. Some would call that timing or luck, I call it a Mircle from a God who heals!
Thank you for beleiving in such a BIG GOD! We are right here with you, fighting with you, praying with you and advocating for you and those precious angels!
Love you much! xoxox
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