I won't pretend to understand

This weekend is Easter weekend. A time for Christians to remember what God has done for us by sending Jesus to die on the cross. It serves as a reminder of the forgiveness for our sins and the eternal life that we have received. It is one of my favourite holidays and it has has become much more tangible after being at Door of Hope and loving these kids like my own. When I look my sweet little boys in the face, there is no way that I could ever give one a death sentence just to save you or anyone for that matter. For God to turn His back on his only son and allow him to die a slow a painful death while being mocked and ridiculed is beyond me. I also know that as Christians we are suppose to take Christ's example and forgive people for the wrong that they do to us or even to others. I know as a christian that it is not my place to judge or to hold grudges but this Easter weekend I have a baby laying in hospital and I am having a very hard time forgiving her parents. Here's why:

On Tuesday afternoon I got an e-mail from a lady who said she needed placement for a one year old girl who was not being cared for properly by her parents. She called Wednesday morning and they brought both the parents and the child through to Door of Hope. The mother, not yet in her 20's and the father older than I am came to explain the situation to us. I still do not understand the whole story and actually didn't even care to hear their side of it as soon as I laid eyes on their child. At 1 year old she weighs less than her birth weight. Her eyes are dark and sunken, I can not only count but can visibly see every single rib from her chest right around to her spine. Her bum is so raw that skin is just hanging off of it and even to wipe it gently with some cotton causes her great pain. What hits me the most though are the scars on her face and hand. A small one on her nose and then just below her lip. Her left hand is black and blue and still bleeding in parts. The scars are not from her long fingernails or from another child. These scars are from the teeth of rats that have been chewing on her. Chewing on her nose, chewing on her finger, thinking she was a carcass free for eating and by looking at her myself I would have thought the same thing if it wasn't for her chest slowly rising and falling. Too weak to cry or even keep her eyes open, she slept most of the time.

Now I can understand when parents don't have enough money for food. On the same day that this little girl arrives, I was out doing a home visit. It was a very small 1 room house with a big queen bed in the middle. The lady living there shared this bed with her daughter and young grandchild. There was not even enough room for me to come inside so I sat on a broken stool in the doorway. There is no running water, not even a fridge but what you noticed about this lady is that she was happy,that the kids were happy, and that everyone was clean and well fed. She knew that if she didn't have enough food, she would go without so that her kids could eat. So how is it that now, at Door of Hope I have a child in such an ill state? Isn't it a given that once you become parents, your kids come first? It's one thing not to have money for food but then why are you still eating while your child starves? And even if you don't have money for food it still does not explain how your child can be left alone long enough for the rats to find her, watch her, get brave enough to approach her, and then also have time to chew on her! I don't understand. I never will understand. I know life is hard and there are people struggling every day but does it really have to get this bad? Where we can't even worry about the future of a child because our biggest concern is if she will make it through the night?

It is Easter weekend. A reminder that Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sin. All of us; all of our sins. I am praying for grace today because my heart is so full of hurt and anger towards parents who mistreat their children. I don't understand. What keeps me humbly on my knees though, is knowing that we are all the same in God's eyes. My sin and the sin of some of these parents is all the same and God has forgiven us all. I'm hoping to live by His example but am praying for the compassion to do so!