A Humble Heart

Today I spent 4 hours sitting in the neuro surgery ward of a government hospital with one of my sweet blessings. Part of my job over the last 7 years has been to take babies to the hospital for their appointments and so it is nothing new to sit and wait. I actually spend so much time in and out of the hospitals that even the security guards know me and ask whether I am there to fetch a new baby or if one of them is sick. Today however, I could not help but think about each of the ladies that surrounded me and the beautiful children that they held in their arms. Since we were in the neuro surgery ward, a lot of these kids had hydrocephalus. Some were also blind, some had CP or Spina Bifida as well. Some of these kids had heads twice the size of mine, while others were very flat and some even had growths coming out of them. All of these children had obvious special needs.

As I sat in the tiny waiting area with 40 other mothers I was overwhelmed by the feeling of safety and acceptance. Each one of these ladies had a child that drew stares and negative comments. Each one of them had to live everyday trying to explain what was wrong with their child or having to put up with peoples obnoxiously loud whispers. These ladies each wonder what they did wrong and they blame themselves for the condition of their child but more importantly each one of them loves their child unconditionally just like any mother does. So once every three months or so they come together, some already friends, some meeting for the first time but all of them gathering in the tiny waiting room of safety and acceptance. A room that becomes a sanctuary, a place where they can been known and seen for who they are and not what is wrong with their child. They talk freely, they laugh, they interact with all the children. There is love without judgement, laughter without caution, and conversations without a guard up.

I was overwhelmed as I listened to these ladies share. I heard one young mom talk about her concern for her son whose head was growing way too quickly but then be reassured by another mother whose 5 year old daughter was the same way until they put in a shunt and now she is doing wonderfully! I cannot imagine how cruel and lonely life must be for these mothers or how physically. mentally and emotionally draining it must be for them. What I do know is that I am thankful for them and what God has shown me through them.

How often do we go through life with "special needs" or different "issues" that make us stand out or feel alone? How often do we focus only on the negative rather than the positive? No one ever promised that life would be perfect and who are we to decided that we will only be happy when things are going well? Just like these mothers, who look passed the disability into the heart of their child, we need to look passed the negative in our lives and into how God is using it to shape us into better human beings. We need to stop letting people or circumstances steal our joy and start living for and fighting for the things that really matter. We need to realize that when we are desperate for a "waiting room" of safety and acceptance, God is standing there with His arms wide open.

As I left the waiting room today, and headed back out into the real world I felt as though I had been given a new strength and energy to face whatever came my way. I was full of joy and I am thankful to the mothers from that waiting room for reminding me to always look passed the negative and into the beautiful outcome!