The Best Part! (way too long, I'm sorry!)

Ok, so obviously the main reason I went to South Africa was to meet the family of my special little girl. I had put a lot of time into preparing for the meeting, yet I was still so nervous for the actual day to arrive. I had imagined in my head, the day that I would meet her family. What I would say, and questions I would ask. Once I was actually there though, I was just so nervous to see how it would turn out. I guess I should explain it a bit more...

When a new baby arrives at Door of Hope, we take that baby in and love them like our own. They become our children. I allow myself to fall in love with them, setting myself up for heartache when it is time to say goodbye. When a new baby arrives, we feel as though we are the adoptive parents. We have so much love and respect for the birth mothers. Our hearts break when we think about the background of each baby but at the same time, we rejoice in the new bundle of love that God has given us! We love with a mother's love. Then when it come time for the baby to go for adoption, we switch from feeling like the adoptive mother, to feeling like the birth mother. In the days that lead up to the adoption, we spend every waking moment with our baby, stealing all the cuddles we can, and trying to etch into memory every little detail from their pointy little ears right down to the Mongolian spot on their ankle. We prepare our hearts for the hurt that is coming as we hand our babies over to strangers.

Please hear me when I say, that I LOVE our adoptive families Every time I meet a new one, I am blown away by just how perfect they are for the specific child. It is such confirmation with each handover, that these are God's babies and He has hand picked each family before they were even born. I know this and I believe this fully, but when adoption day comes, we are just as nervous as the new parents are.

These are babies that we have had from just minutes old, who have slept on our chests as we worked at a desk, who would hold on tight to my baby finger as I slept beside them in the hospital, praying that they would recover quickly. These are the children that blessed us with their first smile, coo, and giggle. These are the sweet babies that we have prayed for, fasted for, and thanked God for. We have fought for them, and loved them with every free space in our hearts. We know that they are only ours for a season, but it is so scary to have to give them away.

I often wonder what the families will be like. Will they like me? Will they love their baby? Will they be please with how their baby was cared for while they could not be there? Did I do a good enough job with their child? Do they know just how much I love their baby?

All these questions racing through your mind makes for a very bitter-sweet adoption day. We have always been told that we are not allowed to cry during the handover as it can add a lot of stress to the situation for the new parents. So not only do we have to hand our baby over, but we have to choke back the tears too. I will admit, there are times that I just couldn't do it. Once in awhile, when a baby is sick, or grumpy, it is so hard to have to give them away. But we know without a doubt, that this moment is what we fight for!

So, enough rambling. I love adoption day! And meeting A's family was something that I was nervously excited to do!

We actually got a call on my first Tuesday there, saying that the family was coming by to visit the house. This was a huge shock as I had been told that we would meet them on Thursday at the Adoption Office. So we had to race back to the house, so I could be there in time to see them. I had wondered what they would do with A? Would they bring her in? Probably not since she is already so old. Would they let me peek at her in the van? Would they even know who I was? Then just like that, they walked in the door, with big smiles on their face and A in their arms! I'm pretty sure my heart stopped for a few beats as I took in the sight of one of my biggest answers to prayer; A with her forever family! I didn't get to close or try to touch A at all, but just seeing her again was so good for my heart.

I was able to show them around the house, and introduce them to the aunties who had cared for A. It wasn't an extremely long visit (they usually aren't) before they had to head back home. I said goodbye knowing I would see them in a few days. It was so nice to meet them briefly before actually sitting down with them and giving them all of A's things. It took some of the pressure off once I knew how wonderfully matched they were with A (not that I had any doubt beforehand!).

So then the day came, where I could meet with them, and tell them all about the little miracle girl they had received. Again, I wondered if they would bring A. I guess I should explain why I wondered if I would get to see A...

Our adoption agency is extremely knowledgeable when it comes to adoptive parents bonding with their adopted child. They give suggestions to the families, and encourage them to start with bonding immediately.

I fully understand how important it is for parents to bond with their child. They say that how ever old the child is when they are adopted, that is how long it will take them before they are completely settled within their new family. They also say that a child who does not learn how to form bonds or attachments in the first few years, will have a lot of trouble forming bond later on in life. That is why I went to great lengths while at the Door of Hope, to make sure that these children were held, loved, and could attach to someone.

Adoptive families are told that they must not let anyone else their child, or feed their child, or anything like that. Which I understand and totally respect! But I have to say honestly, it hurts so much when a family comes in with their baby, a baby who we have loved so much, and is scared for us to touch or talk to that baby. Now, like I said I completely understand it, and I fully respect it. Once in awhile though, we get families who not only understand, but also acknowledge how much we love their baby, and how important it is to us, to have that final goodbye. To be able to see them now that they are settled with their mom and dads, and to give them one last kiss knowing they will be fine. It takes very special parents to hand a child back the the caregiver and I am so thankful when they do!

So ANYWAY... I had just assumed that because A was so much older, they would not bring her to the meeting, and be very protective of her. Well I couldn't have been more wrong! As soon as they arrived at Abba offices, they put A down, and she came straight to me. I did not pick her up or touch too much, but she came over and started going through the bag of things that I had brought. We should her mom and dad all of the little treats that she had collected over the years, we read one of our favourite stories, and we even played around taking pictures with the camera! I tell you, my heart was so full! I just wanted to squeeze her and never let go! I wanted to squeeze her parents and tell them how much I loved them too, especially for giving me this special time with A. It was so unexpected but so SO special!

I did really well with keeping the tears inside! My vision got blurry as I gave her one last hug, but no tears fell from these eyes... I did lay silently in my bed that night though, and let the uncontrollable tears fall into my pillow :) The day was more than I could've ever hoped or imagined.

To all the adoptive parents out there, thank you! You will really never know how thankful I am for each and every one of you.

Here are just a few pictures of my oh so special day!